Wine was a staple of the Spartan diet, but they rarely drank to excess and often cautioned their children against drunkenness. In some cases, they would even force Helot slaves to get wildly.

When a loved one dies, children feel and show their grief in different ways. Howkids cope with the loss depends on things like their age, how close they felt to theperson who died, and the support they receive.Here are some things parents can do to help a childwho has lost a loved one:When talking about death, use simple, clear words. To break thenews that someone has died, approach your child in a caring way. Use words that aresimple and direct. For example, 'I have some sad news to tell you. Grandma died today.'

Pause to give your child a moment to take in your words.Listen and comfort. Every child reacts differently to learningthat a loved one has died.

In childhood (or in pathological conditions) when the sclera is thin, it appears bluish, while in old age it may become yellowish, due to a deposition of fat. The tendons of insertion of the extraocular muscles run into the sclera as parallel fibres and then spread out in a fan-shaped manner. The sclera is pierced by three sets of apertures: (1) the posterior apertures round the optic nerve and through which pass the long and short posterior ciliary vessels and nerves; (2) the middle apertures, 4 mm behind the equator which give exit to the vortex veins; and (3) the anterior apertures through which pass the anterior ciliary vessels. The sclera is thickest posteriorly (about 1 mm) and gradually becomes thinner towards the front of the eyeball. It is a sieve-like membrane at the lamina cribrosa.

Some kids cry. Some ask questions.

Others seem not to reactat all. Stay with your child to offer hugs or reassurance. Answer yourchild's questions or just be together for a few minutes.Put emotions into words.

Encourage kids to say what they're thinkingand feeling in the days, weeks, and months following the loss. Talk about your ownfeelings: It helps kids be aware of and feel comfortable with theirs. Say things like,'I know you're feeling very sad.

I'm sad, too. We both loved Grandma so much, andshe loved us, too.' Tell your child what to expect. If the death of a loved one meanschanges in your child's life, head off any worries or fears by explaining what willhappen. For example, 'Aunt Sara will pick you up from school like Grandma used to.' Or, 'I need to stay with Grandpa for a few days. That means you and Dad will be hometaking care of each other.

But I'll talk to you every day, and I'll be back on Sunday.' Talk about funerals and rituals.

Allow children to join in ritualslike viewings, funerals, or memorial services. Tell your child ahead of time whatwill happen. For example, 'Lots of people who loved Grandma will be there. We willsing, pray, and talk about Grandma's life.

People might cry and hug. People will saythings like, 'I'm sorry for your loss,' or, 'My condolences.' Those are polite andkind things to say to the family at a funeral. We can say, 'Thank you,' or, 'Thanksfor coming.' You can stay near me and hold my hand if you want.' You might need to explain burial or cremation. For example, 'After the funeral,there is a burial at a cemetery.

The person's body is in a casket (or coffin) thatgets buried in the ground with a special ceremony. This can feel like a sad goodbye,and people might cry.' Share your family's beliefs about what happens to a person'ssoul or spirit after death.Explain what happens after the service as a way to show that people will feel better.For example, 'We all will go eat food together.

People will laugh, talk, and hug somemore. Focusing on the happy memories about Grandma and on the good feeling of beingtogether helps people start to feel better.' Give your child a role. Having a small, active role can help kidsmaster an unfamiliar and emotional situation such as a funeral or memorial service.For example, you might invite your child to read a poem, pick a song to be played,gather some photos to display, or make something. Let kids decide if they want totake part, and how.Help your child remember the person.

In the days and weeks ahead,encourage your child to draw pictures or write down favorite stories of their lovedone. Don't avoid mentioning the person who died. Recalling and sharing happy memorieshelps heal grief and activate positive feelings.Respond to emotions with comfort and reassurance.

Notice if yourchild seems sad, worried, or upset in other ways. Ask about feelings and listen. Letyour child know that it takes time to feel better after a loved one dies. Some kidsmay temporarily have trouble concentrating or sleeping, or have fears or worries.Support groups and canhelp kids who need more support.Help your child feel better. Provide the comfort your child needs,but don't dwell on sad feelings. After a few minutes of talking and listening, shiftto an activity or topic that helps your child feel a little better. Play, make art,cook, or go somewhere together.Give your child time to heal from the loss.

Grief is a processthat happens over time. Be sure to have ongoing conversations to see how your childis feeling and doing. Healing doesn't mean forgetting about the loved one.

Talismanic meaning. It meansremembering the person with love, and letting loving memories stir good feelings thatsupport us as we go on to enjoy life.

Source: Fizkes/ShutterstockIn response to my blog about single adolescents, I received this email request: 'I was wondering if you could address the effects of on very small children.' What I can do is try to distinguish some general ways that children (up through about age 8 or 9) often react to parental divorce in contrast to how adolescents (beginning around ages 9-13) often respond. Understand that I am talking here about tendencies, not certainties.Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age. Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different households, and the daily absence of one parent while living with the other, all create a challenging new family circumstance in which to live. In the personal history of the boy or girl, parental divorce is a watershed event.

The life that follows is significantly changed from how life was before. Convincing a young child of the permanence of divorce can be hard when his intense longing fantasizes that somehow, some way, mom and dad will be living back together again someday. He relies on wishful thinking to help allay the pain of loss, holding onto hope for a parental reunion much longer than does the adolescent, who is quicker to accept the finality of this unwelcome family change. Thus parents who put in a joint presence at special family celebrations and holiday events to recreate family closeness for the child only feed the child's and delay his adjustment. The more independent-minded adolescent tends to deal more aggressively with divorce, often reacting in a mad, rebellious way, more resolved to disregard family discipline and take care of himself since parents have failed to keep the commitments to the family that were originally made.Where the child may have tried to get parents back, the adolescent may try to get back at parents. Where the child felt, the adolescence has a grievance: 'If they can't be trusted to stay together and take care of the family, then I need to start relying more on myself.' 'If they can break their marriage and put themselves first, then I can put myself first too.'

'If they don't mind hurting me, then I don't mind hurting them.' It certainly says a lot when the child is happy about the split. Preferring the calm, peaceful household they can predict over turmoil that was present in their lives. The choice can certainly be difficult but reassuring when they actually thrive. Loveless marriages, abusive partners and physically present but mental absent parenting can be more damaging to children by example. Staying together for the children can be a scapegoat for avoiding the really hard decision of divorce which can bring about positive change for all involved. For escaping via divorce is coward and ridiculous act of the parent choice.

It was by assumption that it could be better when divorce. Many uncertainties were placed at risk on kids. The could be better also translates to what if it was not managed properly? Selfish act of one actually pass the pain to kids. Why bring the kids into the world when there is no persistence or endurance for completing the kids. Reflected how selfish and irresponsible in many ways when such actions were chosen. Asked yourself why was abusive relationship happening, and what was done wrongly to result the arguments heats.

How could it be resolved? By your sacrifices or by opening the kids incompleteness is more important.

If you can think of this, I suppose you ready as a parent not just happy with your sex life and complaint lousy partner after self comparison against what not received. Great that parent choice was mentioned. Did the kids have a choice choosing their parent?

Would a choice be provided to kids to leave parent as well? Wondered why adult can have choices destroying while the kids can only accept the fact created. They were not given any choice when brought into the world. How to love or to make love being sweet, sour, bitter or spicy are doings of adults personally.

Think better for the kids again before concluding what could have done better not only divorce to run away. It's painful to experience how this article resonates for me. I am 25 now, my parents divorced when I was 9. Before the divorce, I witnessed the loss of love between my parents through the attempted and rejected kiss from father to mother. There was no fighting - only avoidance between parental figures.When they told my two older brothers and me about the divorce, I was in disbelief. My dad sat down and re-explained everything, which made it even more painful to hear. A trip to the store to pick out my favorite Haagen Dasz soothed my emotions temporarily but the split between two households deteriorated all sense of stability.As I came of age and became more removed from the situation, I tried to ignore many of these feelings.

No matter how many reassurances, its hard not to have felt rejected by a parent. I hope that I am wise enough to partner in a lasting marriage for the sake of my future children. I want to give them the gift of the united mother and father. I just read your posting on the different impacts of divorce on children and adolescents. I was 11 and 12 when my parents divorced and separated. I just have to say wow - your description of the adolescent reaction to divorce was really on the mark.

I engaged in minor acts of rebellion to 'punish' both my mother and father in ways specifically intended to make each of them feel as bad as possible. (for example, for my mother I broke things I had made as a child which she treasured). I also pulled away from both of them and stopped talking to them about things that happened in my life. This probably is a natural part of being that age anyway, but it was certainly accelerated by the divorce.I am now in my 30s, and looking back I can see that this has impacted on different aspects of my personality which are still present now.

Not all of it is negative - having a chip on my shoulder has I think helped me do well in school and later professionally, but my tendency to withdraw when I am uncomfortable and not let people in does not do me favors. I have kids now, and I am determined not to 'let them down' as I was. You seem to be describing me there. I wet my bed till i was 13.

I have a question. My parents divorced when i was 6 and my father got custody. I have little or no memory of experiences with my mother until about 4 years ago. Is this normal?

My parents never explained anything to me. I have become a loner, i dont even have a single friend and you know what my greatest fear is; it is love. My friends tease me because i have no girlfriend, but i just dont have the ability to love and its making me miserable. This is the first time i have ever told this to anyone. It has been eating me, i think i am going mad. I am 16 years old, and my mother decided to separate from my father when I was 12. They are still fighting in court, over money mostly, and no permanent custody plan has been reached.

As you might imagine, 4 years of uncertainty has been very difficult for me and my younger sister. I do indeed feel very rejected, almost betrayed, by my parents at times. It is difficult, because I feel as though my value, or importance, to my parents, my mother especially, has lessened in comparison with the other things they have to worry about now. Anyway, I wanted to say that the article was very interesting, but it seems to me that your descriptions of adolescents' reactions are very stereotypical. Maybe I just can't see the faults in my age group now, but I don't think that 'rebellious' is always the right word. I do think that my parents have failed me in several aspects, and I do think that I should be given more responsibility.

However, I believe that I have the experience and the ability to make good decisions, and I think that I could certainly handle many things, not all, on my own. I think that teenagers can be more responsible and level-headed than the world gives them credit for. Again, maybe that is just me. Thank you for the article, it was very good.

So what is the takeaway? What, if anything, can parents do in a divorce with children to handle things better? I don't think one can simply say 'don't divorce'. Obviously, the pain must be experienced and processed - the question is, how to best handle it in my mind? What can parents do to be there more for their children during this trying time? I don't think any parent intends to hurt their children even though the act of divorce itself is a hurtful act to them and a decision they have no say about yet affects the rest of their lives (albeit in potentially positive as well as negative ways).

Great question. I will do a blog in fuller response.Basically, divorce upsets and resets the terms of family life for everyone and in doing so creates two categories of possible gain from loss.

There is freedom from old conditions that were constraining and negative, and there is freedom for new opportunities that are liberating and positive.In addition to being patient and empathetic with their painful adjustment, claiming some gifts from this adversity is what a parent can help children learn to do. I think parents (and any other adult under the impression they are being helpful) can be on a very sticky wicket preaching 'more responsibility' to a teen who can clearly see the hypocrisy between the responsibility preached and the distinct lack of it being practiced.I was 16 when my parents split up. My father walking out on the second day of my O levels. I got the responsibility speech left right and centre as I hurtled off the rails at the speed of light. It made it worse. The more they demanded from me what they weren't prepared to bring to the table themselves, the angrier and more self destructive I got.Perhaps rather than trying to control teens by picking holes in their behaviour and urging them to do better it might be worth trying to give them the support to have a voice that isn't shouted down and dismissed with 'you'll understand when you are grown up'. I still don't understand.

If anything having been married 18 years with a child of our own, I understand less. There is a whole sea of personal dissatisfaction with life and relative unhappiness I'd live with before I'd throw him under the bus and accept his unhappiness as the price for me seeking my own.IME the older children can be seen as 'a problem' to be cured, rather than actual live human beings with good reason to feel betrayed, angry and disappointed. Which I don't think helps a great deal.

Parents need to be more willing to take responsibility and not shy away from hearing cold, hard truth when their older children justifiably find their behaviour lacking in responsibility, forethought, good sense and consideration for others. Lately, my husband and I have been bickering over things that happened years ago, and any new arguments simply reignite older ones. Basically, that's been the case for last 3 years. We're young, I'm 29 he's 31.

We have two girls, a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old. Not to trivialize the impact it would have on my younger one, but I worry more that my 6 yr old would be devastated. She's not old enough to understand the complexity of our problems, but old enough to draw her own conclusion, and unfortunately will feel betrayed.

But it's getting out of hand and our marriage is going downhill. I'm afraid that our late night arguments while the kids sleep will come out in the open and impact the kids. We can't stand eachother anymore, at least I don't think I can.

And now I'm not sure what to do. I delayed school for so long as he convinced me that giving the kids attention is more important, and I've always agreed to that. But on the other hand, I've let time slip by and I'm unprepared to go into the real world with no degree, skills or experience.

And I have never left my children unattended because I've devoted everyday to them. I'm torn, confused, and afraid that while I'm not happy in this marriage, that perhaps if the kids are happy then I should continue to stay in it for their sake. Whats your take on this?. If you, Farah, and your husband have been bickering over things that happened years ago and in addition having new arguments that reignite the old ones, a better alternative than divorce could be for the two of you to learna) skills for healing after upsets andb) skills for talking over differences in a cooperative way.My book Power of Two teaches these skills. So does PowerOfTwoMarriage.com, my interactive website. So do many books, marriage education workshops, and also many of my and others' blogposts on this PT website.This excellent article (Bravo Dr.

Pickhardt) as well as the many insightful comments from readers have reinforced my personal dedication to teaching the skills that enable couples to enjoy a consistently loving and harmonious relationship.If only for the sake of the children, I hope many readers, including Farah, will first make their marriage the best it can be. Only then is it appropriate, if the marriage still remains hostile or otherwise impossible, to consider divorce.At the risk of excessive repetition I will say once again: The solution to skill deficits for a couple with children is not divorce; it's buckling down and learning the how-to's for a happy marriage. I have read all the articles above and i realy have that fear of what if it heppens to me, either now or after i gat married because now i am stii a boy, but i wonder if my parents fall apart what will i do. Even if so here is my advise just think twice or more before going in to marriage because once you find your self in to that problem of divorce or production oder it wii cause fail in you life.Dont love a person and sametime thinking about marriage, take time before you go in to a marriage.There are many things to play with but not marriage because once it turn back you will even decide to kill yor sellf which is not a solution also.

Divorce affects children differently. Older research studies shows that parents who went through a divorce is the main cause of children’s increase psychological distress. In today’s society, divorce is becoming more common. A newer studies shows that children of divorce parents are more affected from the high parental conflict during the marriage. If parents are both sensible to each other and keep their children aware of the situation and will not experience as much trauma. Also, ensuring them that they are love and it is not their fault will help them get through the situation. These children tend to be more resilient and bounce back.

Although these children will pain and do not want to see their parents separate, they feel that divorce is the best choice. My parents divorced when i was 11.After that day i lost stability in my life, travelling to an from both households on a regular basis, seein the family tore in 2 an not knowin which parents house i would be staying in for the day, drove me crazy to a point where i would secretly cry in my room, hoping that 1 day my parents would unite once again. Strange enough my mum used 2 tell me that i was lucky to have double houses, bedrooms etc, i never bought that argument. After a few years my mum was annoyed hearing that im still hurting about the divorce an she wanted me to sort of like'just get over it'. I guess she always assumed that divorce affects the parents more an children less.

Over the years i managed to console myself. But now being 20 an lookin back i do still wish they hadnt divorced. Parents still no longer live together, committed love between parents is still broken, family is still permanently divided, so separation has still taken place. Now children stay in the same home in which parents (now each with a separate outside personal living place and life) take turns being resident head maintaining sufficient communication with each other so household and child raising continuity is maintained.No reason this can't work; but like any solution it comes with its own set of problems, one of which may be encouraging reunion fantasies in children that the separation is incomplete so maybe parents will someday soon get back together, when the reality is that this is not a realistic possibility.